Jan Wiya

Ecclesiastes 3:1-2

"1: To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the Heaven. 2: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;".

Just like Prophet Noah (AS) was asked to bring aboard a pair of each animals, so as every coin has two sides.

The 5 years old metal bar which looked like it had stood the test of time as a result of lack of proper maintenance, wasn't left out of this 2 sides syndrome; while one side contained a long dirty corridor with a wall yellow painted wall, hovered by a brownish white ceiling fitted with 3 bulbs in a straight file, 6 metres from each other, the other side held 3 cells of 8 feet each, with holes drilled at a corner which served as a comfort station, a mat, bucket and a keg for water in each cells. Mr. Andrew Adaka sat on a mat in the currently only occupied cell of Magongo Police station in Kogi State, singing 'redemption song' by Bob Marley. 13 minutes had passed the 23rd hour of the day and the police station seemed deserted, this made Mr. Adaka's voice a little louder. "My friend! You no go shut up?" one amongst the only 2 police men that reported and remained in the station for the night duty appeared from a door at the beginning of the corridor, with a 2 weeks old newspaper, marching towards Mr. Adaka's cell. "Sorry sir!" Mr. Adaka returned and stiffled a laugh "you de craze? Why you de laugh like fool since when you come here?" "no vex sir, I'm sorry" he replied and turned his face to the opposite direction. The police constable looked at the newspaper he was holding, indicated a photo with a finger and jammed the paper to the bar, "you know this man?" Mr. Adaka stood up half way from his sitting position to get a clearer look at the photo and returned almost immediately, replying "nope" flatly. "Wetin be your name?" "Jan wiya" "I mean your real name... in full" Mr. Adaka replied "red neck" and smiled, this seemed to infuriate the Police constable, "you de mad? You think say na play I de play for here?..." the police constable walked away and returned 2 minutes later with a slightly heavy bucket, flung the contents of the bucket through the bar on Mr. Adaka and continued "... I say wetin be your name?" the wet man who had tried to dodge the incoming water but to no avail frowned at this development and replied in an angry tone "I want to see my lawyer" "God punish your Papa and the lawyer, I go kill you here and nothing go happen if you no answer me today" "I said I want to see my lawyer" "You still get mouth to talk abi? make i..." "Simon! Simon!! ... " the police corporal on duty who had just emerged from the door of the entrance to the corridor called out "... that's enough... stand down" "see this stupid..." "I said stand down! constable" Constable Simon hissed and walked away from the corridor, bucket in hand, leaving behind the soaked newspaper which had contributed to the mess. The Corporal walked down the corridor to the last room that's usually used as a locker room, fetched a small towel from a heap of clothes, flapped it twice to reduce the dust concealed in it, left the room and proceeded to Mr. Adaka's cell. "Sorry about that Sir... here you go" He passed the towel through the bar to Mr. Adaka who just accepted and smiled without uttering any word. "You seem to be glad you're here... it's like you don't talk very much.... well... I'm sorry about what my colleague did to you...." the Corporal went on a squat position and picked up the wet newspaper which began to drip out water and continued. ".... we've been arguing since you arrived here, I told them the man in the paper was you but no one seemed to believe... your lawyer would be arriving tomorrow morning, I contacted him personally... well... I don't have any clothes here, you can keep the towel sha... call out if you need anything" The corporal rose from his squat position and turned to take his leave "you're a good man" Mr. Adaka replied as he unbuttoned his shirt to dry his body with the towel. It was the Corporal's turn to keep mute though he paused for a while then kept on. "You were right, I am the one in the photo" the Corporal turned and smiled "hum! Can I ask anoth..." "no need, I will tell you why I'm not making a fuss about being here... but before I start, can you get junks for me? I'm hungry, I couldn't eat that thing you guys served me"

"My name is Andrew Adaka, Regional manager of Geerian Bank, that is North Central Region and my family stays here in Magongo while I travel round, you know bank job things na. I spent last weekend with my family and was leaving the house on Monday morning when I was greeted with the shock of my life..." He paused and munched the bread which was on his right hand and disolved it for easy swallow with the Pepsi which he held on his left. He nodded his head, smiling with a mouth full while he chewed hungrily. He seemed to be enjoying the mixture of the meal with the story he was telling so he continued without waiting to swallow up. He started in a babble-like tone which subsided as his throat went into action " I want you to get something straight, do you know Habis Foundation?" "uhhhhhhm No" "well, find out when you can, I'm a proud member. I am the last child and only son of my parents, and was well catered for. My parents were always there for me, my sisters always had my back, my dad was a school teacher, I never for once saw him caned anyone, he scolded my sisters but never laid a finger on any of them, I remember he used to say... 'no one in his right sense would hurt a woman', 'The World shakes when a woman cries and if it's because of you, every living thing goes against you'... my dad once caused the expulsion of a student, a prefect for that matter for slapping a lady, that's exactly what I grew up to live with. May his Soul rest in perfect peace because this training was the best thing that ever happened to me. I became a feminist and made sure I was a member of every serious association, movement or organisation, championing the cause of the right treatment to women. I ignited the abolishment of female bank DSAs and employed the once with my bank and in my region" he bit another piece of the bread, drank more Pepsi, and threw the last piece into his mouth. He paused, swallowed, drank a little more Pepsi, raised the bottle to ascertain the current level, belged a little, covering his mouth with his right hand and dropped the bottle beside his left leg. The patient corporal who stood at the other side of the metal bar leaned on the wall to ease his tiring legs. "On Monday morning, as I was driving to work, I saw a little gathering of people close to that government primary school, along ikpa road, it's not far from my house. It looked like a thief was nabbed and apprehended and they were heading to the police station, but when I drove passed the angry crowd, I discovered that a girl of not more than 14 years of age had been blanketed with the crowd as I sighted the idiot that held her by her trousers, slapping her while one woman who was walking with the crowd supported the lynching with heavy knocks on this lady's head, for what possible reason?" "Innalilahi wa Innalilahi rajiun" "oh! Are you a Muslim?" "yes I am..." "but... you don't look like an aboki na" The corporal chuckled, "I'm from Enugu though" "wow! Ibo Muslim? I've never met one, nice to have met you, interesting... but does your religion support maltreatment of women?" "to the best of my knowledge, no... there's even a complete verse of the Holy Qur'an that was dedicated to women" "yea... I thought as much, the founder of Habis Foundation is a Muslim too and she has admonished us on this on several occasions" "that's nice... well...?" "well... I parked my car immediately, scrambled out and encountered this angry mob, you won't believe the crime they said she committed" "and what could that be?" "She was staying with her Aunt as house help, she did something wrong at home on Saturday and escaped as her Aunt wanted to flog her with a cain, they waited for her till evening before they decided to go in search of this small girl. The whole neighbours didn't rest through out the Sunday while searching for this girl until after a tip off, they found her on Monday morning in one uncompleted building were touts do smoke marijuana. That was all fa... I told them it wasn't worth what they've subjected her to and the lynching must stop, the stupid boy that was dragging her by the trousers who I later discovered was her Aunt's brother in-law, handed this small girl to the woman I told you was knocking the girl who happened to be the said Aunt and faced me. Lo and behold, I received the beating of my life on Monday. Nevertheless, I didn't give up after the first round of my beating, I tried to break the girl free and run away with her but it was 2 against this wicked people, they took turns in driving home that part that I should have minded my business. My clothes were tattered to pieces, it's like they didn't know I parked a car if not, I wonder what would have happened next. Its a wonder they beat me up and let me go, but it was the greatest mistake they made. I got in my vehicle, and sped home... hehehehe! my wife nearly ran away when she saw me emerged from the car.... what a day" the Corporal made his eye brow to a furrow, "I don't get, is that all?" "yea... that was what happened na" "ahn! ahn!! What now brought you here?" "shoo! That was what happened that made me take a dagger from my house, returned to the scene and stabbed the stupid idiot to death, thank God I did it just as some police officers arrived, hahaha... maybe they would have giving me jungle justice" he winked "God! just like that, in cold blood? And no regrets? You could get a life for this, hope you know?" Mr. Andrew Adaka laughed out very loud, mistakingly spilling the rest of the Pepsi that was beside his legs "I don't regret this fa,let the law have its way, at whatever lenght, what's done is been done,no better punishment would have been metted on that fool for maltreating a Priceless Treasure...

Turn around

"Hello!" "Hello Bros! Good Morning!" "Morning! Micheal abi?" "Yes bros" "How are you?" "Fine Bros" "what's wrong with your phone? I was trying to reach you yesterday" "bros! They don steal the phone o, in short na why I call you be that" "what! How come na?" "Bros! I beg I fuck up, bros! I beg forgive me, I kno..." "Wait first... That porsche abi?" "Bros I swear I no even know wetin control me yesterday" "my goodness! Micheal you have killed me... Micheal you mean... In short you're a disgrace, at age 29 Micheal you think you're still a kid abi? You know what? Just make sure when I reach house on Friday I go see that phone, I de go deliver am on Saturday morning, any other of your story na your business" the other end of the connection suddenly went dead before Mike could say a thing. He looked up to the opened toilet windows above him, 'I doubt if anyone heard this conversation' he thought. A lizard landed on the floor from the fence & nodded, he suddenly envied the lizard, no reputation to guard, no fears or worries, no troubles to face, just free. He felt exhausted and sat down on a concrete slab protruding from the wall of the house which roofed the ground floor soak-away. Another lizard suddenly materialised from a nearby shrub and engaged the lizard in a hot pursuit, 'the lizard wasn't that free after all' he thought. He scratched the back of his head, glanced at his wrist watch, vitamin D was still up for grab so there wasn't any need returning to the house, he wanted to be left alone to think so he leaned on the wall, hung his legs on the fence in a scissors and reactivated his worry mode. His elder brother Jimmy wasn't the type that made a fuss. Unlike Micheal, he never showed off, always busy trying to make more money & was very contended with his possessions. Jimmy Kassar was the first of two children of Late Mr. & Mrs. Fanen Kassar who died 17 & 12 years back respectively. Jimmy had always blamed himself for the death of his father even though his mother credited it to Mr. Fanen's pride. When Jimmy was 18 & had rounded up his SSCE, there was a night party organised for his set, a final year party for only the graduating students of FGC Malali, Kaduna which was to hold after the last WAEC Paper for the year. For security reasons, a hall in Police College Kaduna was proposed as the venue for the party while Mr. Fanen Kassar, for principles influenced by religion, forbade Jimmy from attending. Jimmy had made his father see reasons to why he must attend the party but to no avail since Mr. Fanen stood firm to his grounds. Jimmy made up his mind & sneaked out of the house at Station quarters, Kaduna, which was roughly 5km from the venue at about 11pm when his parents had retired to bed leaving little Micheal Fanen to lock the back door behind him. It was a swell party & made Jimmy discard every atom of regret for breaking his father's rules 'anything were wan happen, make e happen' he thought as he returned home in the wee hours of the morning. Mr. Fanen's big Ego was wounded upon discovering Jimmy had not obeyed his words. Irrational decisions were taken, wrong moves were made & a show of shame displayed publicly as father went way out of line to reign supremacy over son. Despite cries & pleas from family & neighbours, Mr. Fanen disowned Jimmy in his very own words, banned him from answering his name for a surname & sent the boy parking out of his house. The beg for forgiveness continued for weeks to no avail as Mr. Fanen's Ego didn't allow him go back on the decision. This disturb Mr. Fanen though, Jimmy had reacted as well during a verbal fight between father & son, "I pray this your pride doesn't kill you someday"... In another development, Jimmy also said "its your pride that made you fix your name for our surname instead of grandpa's name" these words had hit Mr. Fanen hard & he wished he never took it this far. Mr. Fanen had HBP which resulted to a Cardiac Arrest & four weeks after his brawl with his son, the 16 months retired Nigeria Railway Service officer, the ever galant pensioner kicked the bucket. Jimmy relocated to an Uncle's at Sabon Wuse in Niger State while Micheal & His Mother relocated to Mr. Fanen's poor father's house in Igbor, Gboko, Benue State. Micheal was practically a burden to his mother & paternal grand parents because his smallish physique didn't allow him work in the farm, hunt or go fishing. He was definitely younger than his age & couldn't compete with his peer group for the struggle for survival, the only way he contributed to the family was through the money he earned with his dance during the annual kwagh-hir festival. Nevertheless, Micheal was handsome, outspoken & had a touch of a city boy, which attracted a lot of village girls to him & made him the errand boy of so many village champions who couldn't approach the ladies they desire, this fetched him stipends too. Mrs. Julie F. Kassar died wretched four years later, leaving behind nothing tangible for little Micheal who had now become 16 with only a Primary School Leaving Certificate for academic success. 2 years after the death of his mother, Jimmy had visited the only blood relation he had left in Igbor & upon seeing Micheal's living conditions, made preparations to take Micheal along with him to Abaji in Abuja where he was running his one year compulsory NYSC program. As a Youth Corp member earning a monthly allowance of N9,900 from the Federal Government & N6,000 from Abaji Local Government, with a free accommodation in a secondary school staff quarters situated at a very remote part of Abaji, Jimmy had a fat savings & was capable of catering for the welfare of he & Micheal. He took it upon himself to sponsor Micheal's education to any length if He would drop the Ego & start from JSS 1. Micheal grabbed the opportunity with opened arms, thanks to his deceptive physique, which allowed him process another birth certificate, taking 6 years out of his current age. Micheal successfully rounded up his SSCE & secured admission to study Political Science in University of Abuja while Jimmy on the other hand resorted to self employment, running a Laptop & Phone supply company, located in Abuja, having worked with various private companies. Jimmy resided in Gwagwalada, Abuja because of Micheal, he wanted to be close to his brother to be able to cater for his welfare financially & emotionally and make sure he never lacks or have any cause to revisit history.

Micheal who resided in Jimmy's that seldom stays at home kept a whole lot of secrete from his circle of friends, amongst the lot was his age of which he was thought to be the youngest. Family history was another secrete, everyone believed Micheal came from a wealthy home, born with a silver spoon & owned the house he resided in Gwagwalada. Micheal would put a large framed photo of himself in the living room in Jimmy's absence, wear Jimmy's expensive clothes & shoes & go withdraw imaginary money sent to him from his imaginary wealthy parents. To further cover his secrete, he became reserved, an introvert & deceptive, showed off to impress, attracting loads of campus girls. Maintaining this false high standard made him insert his sim card in the new Blackberry p'9981 porsche designed phone Jimmy had purchased for N350,000 on demand, he had lied to his friends that he bought it & didn't really like the phone as such he was likely to resell it any soon. Now the phone had been stolen, Jimmy is mad at him, his reputation stood on a cliff edge, soon to hit the rocks. "I will not break down, I'm Tiv, I dare not fall my own hand" he said quietly to him self and snapped back to reality. He felt moist on his face, vitamin D had gone on a break to return the following day, the sun threatened to rip off his eye balls, he got up from the slab, stood on his feet, swiped his hands at the back of his trousers severally, took 5 steps from the back to the side of the house, and 15 steps more brought him to the stair case where he began the slow climb to the apartment he occupied with his elder brother, enveloped with the thought of his next line of action. "Mike! Mike!! See this guy, were you de since? Na you I just de find up & down" Emma came rushing up the stairs while Micheal paused at the front door he was about opening before Emma showed up "I been no lost na, why you de find me?" "Inspector Adamu called me since that they've found my car" "what! So fast? Where?" "For kwali, its like them no fit activate the security so the car off for road" Emma smiled, looking very happy & anxious to go to Kwali. Micheal who knew it was useless to have any hope of his phone still being in the car reciprocated the smile and pretended happy "wetin you de wait for? Where's Jacob? Let's go na"

Mrs. Ralia's cold war

My tab's notification tone brought me back to reality so i checked and read the message then hoistered it. I stood up and proceeded to the kitchen to wash my hands, leaving my plate in a mess on the dining table. The kitchen window over looked the side of our house and i could see Ralia as she continued with the laundry, there was something different about her. She wasn't that pathetic Ralia who had retreated to her shell and will only come out when very necessary, she had brightened up, smiling and was even huming a song i couldn't pick as she washed. She looked younger now, i even  discovered she had dimples and this made me frown again. 'What's amusing this fool?' I thought, just then the very loud ringtone from her Nokla mobile phone, a replica of the original Nokia and had managed to stand the test of time added to the Noise pollution in Lagos State. She immediately pressed a key that made the phone hush, looked from left to right without noticing me because i had ducked in the kitchen and she ran towards the backyard. 'What's this stupid thing up to' i asked myself in a thought as i tiptoed to the guest room toilet where i could view the backyard. I heard her speak to the scrap of a phone very happily as she replied the caller "yes Linda, he said that to me, i think he's coming back". I hated myself the more, 'said what?' I thought. Suddenly i realised what my so called sucker punch was: 'of course yes, i love it just the way it is just like i love you just the way you are'.

Gaga

"My name is... Well, I don't even know who I am any longer, I could give an identity and be referred to yet a different ward." The man at the other side of the desk nodded briefly & adjusted his bulk in the white lab coat with an 'MPL' inscribed lapel. Extensive research by virtue of his profession had taught him not to interrupt sessions like this. "Go on" "I've been subjected to defying several natural laws as regards my age, name, parents & even my body.... You don't have to give me that look, I can sense what's behind the mask" the other man remained mute. "Are you listening to me at all?" "Who subjected you to defying several natural laws?" Silence fell in the large beautifully designed windowless room that contained a desk, two chairs & water dispenser only. A door served as entrance & exit of the Air Conditioned tight room while the bright lights were such that you could visualise the pore were the next strand of your arm hair would emanate from. "Of course yes, I forgot, they all listen but never believes, I'm only talking because I want to." Still no reply "My name is Mathew, Mathew Adisa, I was a co owner of Baldisa Pharmaceutical LTD. I'm pretty sure the file before you says something different, that my name is Olukemi Olaolu, I'm 6 years old, blah! Blah!! Blah!!! Well, how can a six year old speak like this? Its none of my business if the Dumb choose to stay dumb though, I've accepted my faith, all I want now is to be done with all you doctors & return to my acclaimed parents. Its best with them than here" he bowed his head, trying to hide the tears that had formed in his eyes but to no avail. He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, more tears rolled out, so he used his shirt & dabbed his eyes while the other man just sat there starring at him, whereas from his breast pocket protrude a handkerchief. "Do you know you're wicked? Of all the Doctors that has had a session with me, you're the meanest. Courtesy demands you at least show some sympathy" "you stopped at BPL, do you wish to continue? Or is that the end? I wouldn't mind taking my leave" "What! Just fuck off! You are a disgrace to the medical profession, what rubbish!" The other man gathered up the file on the table, stood up to take his leave & paused at the door when he heard "wait first! Did you say BPL?" "Yup" "you mean its still in existence?" He asked excitedly in a reassuring mood "are you now ready to help me help you?" He frowned again "in as much as I hate your attitude, I'm nevertheless ready" the other man shook his head in pity "for the record, I'm not a Doctor" thought for a while and returned to his seat, placing the folder on the table, he didn't unstrap it this time around. "Bala was a friend I met during my service year in Niger state. He's the son of Alhaji Sidi Ndayakwo & was stinking wealthy. I had my plans of running a standard pharmaceutical company with state of the art equipment someday, the only thing missing in the plan was funds. Bala on the other hand was an entrepreneur in the making. I succeeded in bringing him in on my plans & we bonded like pinky and the brain. Bala is a Nupe guy from Niger state & I was forewarned of the Nupe peoples' fetish life style, but I never listened. My Mum once told me that they did Juju a lot & that the only thing she liked about them was that, if they have loved you, its forever, they would always be there for you." He stood up, went to the water dispenser & helped himself with a cup of cold water. He stood there staring at the empty cup after drinking the water. "You asked them not to tie me up because you think in my tiny structure, I can't be of any harm to you right? ... I succeeded in stealing your pen, what if I now stab you with it?" "Can you skip the intro part that consists of fetish people & fill me in on what really happened to you?" The other man said without even turning his face to look at who just threatened him. "Hehehe! Doc! I'm beginning to fall in love with your guts... Well... I'm glad that you aren't treating me with the insane gloves, at least for once I could use some human rights... Here you go" he handed the pen back & returned to his seat. "Against all odds we started BPL, as expected, I ran the company while Bala funded it, business was booming and we resorted to expand through West to East Africa and further North, South would be our last stop in Africa before we proceeded to other continents. We were moving faster than our projection, as rich as Bala was, he was never spoilt. He neither drank nor smoked, he loved the expensive life though but still was a hard worker. If there was something you wouldn't like about him, it was his attitude. He got bored easily & wasn't the type that would live his life to impress anyone. I got married few years later to Hannah against the wishes of Bala & like every other person, my wife detested Bala. I made her see reasons to why I'm just managing to cope with him all to no avail. Now I want you to get this straight, Hannah my wife is a very pretty lady who attended the same school with Bala in the UK. Bala would say 'she's a gold digger who only paraded her self as a student of my school so as to achieve her selfish aim of commercial sex, she eventually got caught & was deported back to Nigeria.' Hannah on the other hand told me that she lost her parents in her second year and couldn't afford the expenses of her education. This resulted to her relocation back to Nigeria. As for Bala's accusations, she told me that Bala had once asked her out, but despite his money and social status, she declined because she was a good Christian and would only settle for the likes, I'm pretty sure you would understand why Bala suddenly hated me and wanted to be rid of me. Hannah is from Kogi State & they have lots of Mallams in her village that could check one's destiny & pray for one's protection using religious sacrifices. We visited one who checked & it was discovered that Bala wanted to cut me off the company. After much incantations he confirmed that Bala had got my replacement. I plunged into inquiries, lo & behold the answer surfaced. His half brother was studying pharmacy abroad and Bala intended making me run mad, which would result to my death. He gave me some charms & asked me to bring 10 million Naira to complete the job for protection and to ricochet Bala's plans. I didn't intend paying up because despite Bala's supposed plans, I felt he had been a blessing to me, he had delivered and sacrificed a lot for me without even having full details about me. If he was done with me, I didn't really have much problem with that. I had the brain & capital would no longer be a problem. Little did I know I was digging my own grave by not listening to my wife." He paused and examined the room, looked at the clean shaved man wearing a disinterested look on his face, grunted and looked up to the fine designed ceiling "This is the part were everybody thinks I'm crazy, I won't blame you if you do too. Some six to seven years back, I returned home from a hectic day at work, it was the period I was preparing for my sack as such I was trying to clear up my desk, leaving behind the unimportant things and hoping to confront Bala the next day. I never payed up for retaliation to Bala, I only came home with a million Naira in cash that I hoped to pay for my protection. Meanwhile, I had already contacted my Pastor who was away on a missionary trip and he promised to pray for me and see me the moment he arrived the country. My lovely wife pampered me with a massage that night and we had a once in a life time Dinner together." He smiled & shook his head. Two disinterested eyes stayed fixed on him waiting for him to be done with his hallucinations. "We slept together that night & I woke up alone in this Baby body & cot, in a different family. I couldn't speak but babble, I couldn't move my limbs, I was stripped off virtually every connections with myself, the only thing I had left was my mind and memory, Bala had succeeded." He looked sharply to catch an amused Doctor at his latest statements but was disappointed when unlike the other Doctors, the other man remained inpatient-like with his looks fixed. "I went through sucking of breasts, being carried about, waited for my time to talk & walk, witnessed & heard a whole lot of evil plans and revelations because every one thought I was just a baby. I waited patiently to grow up again so as to seek for answers to a whole lot of questions. When I was six and was able to move freely, I interacted a lot & got to meet someone who told me that it was possible to assume someone else's body through voodoo activities. He made references to witch craft activities in Benin City and gave me a story book, 'the Bottled Leopard' by Chukwuemeka Ike which explained a whole lot as regards my condition, though with Animals, Bala is really a wicked person. I ran away from my new family, trying to locate my wife & help her understand what had happened and probably source for a solution & get back at Bala. I found Hannah in her new place of work, a boutique to be precise. I confronted her & of cause every person in his or her right senses would scream at this, she wasn't left out. When she got hold of her self, she sent her sales girls away to be left alone with me, I would have succeeded in my quest if not for one of the sales girls, the very foolish one who called the police." I went through series of questioning & series of Child Right Protection agencies, but unfortunately for me I had forgotten a lot of details of my previous life & no one seemed to believe anything I said, I eventually turned into a laughing stock. It was concluded that I was mentally deranged and ever since, I've been through wards to wards, doctors to doctors, injections, pills & multiple sedatives. Right now, I don't even know where I am, who I am or what I've got to do with the rest of my life. I don't even care any longer, if there's one thing I yearn for right now, is going back to the bunch of scum bags that call them selves my parents. The last Doctor before you told me that you said you were going to help me, I've told you my story Doc, what's the plan now?" The other man suddenly got up in annoyance, throwing his chair back. "You disgust me, you brought your own destruction upon yourself, I'm not a Doctor, better stop addressing me as Doc" he hissed and made for the door in quick pace muttering in anger. "So you're not even a Doctor? You fool without manners, you disgust me too" he retaliated with a little temper, raising his voice just as the door slammed on its lock. In anger, he kicked the desk to an upside down position while the folder that was on it shattered its files to pieces on the floor. He proceeded to the water dispenser, ripped its wire of the wall and flung the machine to a far end of the room, wrecking it while its contents splattered on the wall. He looked for something else to destroy but found none, he held his head in frustration and collapsed on the floor in a sitting position, resting his back on the wall. From a distant, he heard hailing followed by claps, he hissed and look to the ground 'let me even see what's in this folder about me' he gathered up the spilled files, excerpts from tabloids, magazines & other documents from the folder & dropped them down before him for perusal. The headlines that had been highlighted from the lot of the tabloids included 'reputable pharmacists go gaga' with a rider 'babbles like a baby', 'big blow struck on BPL', 'Bala Ndayakwo breaks down at his business partner's hospital bed', 'BPL Pinky vows to get to the root of Brain's predicament', 'UK deportee, Hannah Adisa denies ever attending any school in the UK' with a rider 'I only had friends whom I always visited in the University', 'Mathew Adisa dies at 41, four days after he was admitted in a psychiatric hospital' 'Bala pays huge sums of money to retrieve Late Adisa's body from the morgue for proper autopsy', 'BPL boss drags wife of late partner to court for heavy dosage of morphine discovered in partner's body system', 'Hannah pleads not guilty to charges levied against her by Bala Ndayakwo', 'Bala looses case to Hannah, pays 20 million Naira for damages', 'widowed Hannah re marries first love, a year after husband's death', the 6 year old boy in awe picked interest in the photo below the headline. "So, she re married that so called Mallam? Old time boy friend for that matter?" He laughed and proceeded to the next tabloid 'Ndayakwo renames company: MPL (Mathisa Pharmaceutical LTD)' 'Mother of Late Mathew Adisa & Sister receives 100 Million Naira from MPL', 'Mrs. Mary P. Adisa dies at age 73'. The next documents contained an appointment letter and documentation papers. Tears of sorrow and joy rolled down his cheeks, he stood up and proceeded to the unlocked door. Opened it and found himself in a neat passage with different people on lab coats. A lady in a lab coat that carried the 'MPL' logo which he recognised as Sandra walked up to him, bent down a little and greeted "welcome back Sir, finally we found you". Another cute lady rushed towards them and greeted like the first lady, wearing the same white lab coat "oyoyo! Oyoyo!! Sir! Am i dreaming?" Without bothering to wipe the tears off his eyes, he said "Sandra & Funmi, best twins ever, you're all grown up now" and they laughed in joy. More people on MPL lab coat approached this 6 years old little man who was once their boss & is hoped to resume his previous position with MPL. All of these workers approached with joy & happiness, some in tears while others just wore bubbly faces. He held Sandra's arm and she bent down to hear what he got to say "Sandra! Please where can I find Bala?" "Ah! The moment Mr. Bala left you in your office, he broke the news to us and left the building in anger, I think he finally has a way to even the score with your ex wife..." She further bent so as to whisper in His ear "... You can see he now keeps a clean face right? He said you once told him to do that, since you left, he has never been himself".

Fine boy

"Writing is every writer's passion, he must not be really good at it. When a writer lost a dear one, he creates a related fiction in his mind as events unfold, the writer does the same with the sweetest of experiences. But when 'writers block' sets in, the writer is more of devastated, it tends to be the worse thing that could ever happen. All efforts made to avert the situation would definitely prove abortive since it knocks at the writers' door & exits unannounced. At this, the writer goes paranoid, it takes a strong willed writer to shake off the shackle & cope. If you happen to be a casual friend to the writer experiencing 'writers block', your friendship is highly appreciated at this time for you come in handy in so many ways you or even the writer might not be aware of. The reverse turns out to be the case for a wife or any intimate partner who has little or no knowledge of the situation. The sudden realisation of being less important to your partner compared to writing, irrespective of the tangible & intangible favours, the time & the commitment, drives anyone crazy & everyone reserves the right to go crazy at this. Its okay to react in whatever way but never let your reactions be a custodian to actions that results to break up. How you react, helps the writer in the long run for it becomes a basis, an idea or a reference point for yet another story, the writer is never in a hurry to get your replacement, so why subject self to the loosing end? Please & please do not get it twisted for I'm not invariably insinuating that spouses & partners of writers are practically lucky to be with writers, my intentions here is to authoritatively paint you a very fine picture of reality using Chioma's just concluded drama for a base, publish it in my blog, share it on Facebook & twitter, sit back, relax & wait for her return in roughly 2 weeks time." He dropped his pen & grinned, 'I would take out that last point sha' he thought. Edet had just recovered from a writers block, all thanks to Chioma who had flipped her lid at his lackadaisical attitude to issues surrounding her boutique business which she tried to share with him 20 minutes back. They were both in the living room on this faithful sunday evening, watching a Nollywood movie with absent minds when she brought it up. He had reacted carelessly & therefore triggered an anger she had been nursing for a while, bringing up old issues & making references to times & events unexpectedly. His mood was further soured, making him loose grip on himself & jammed a flat palm on her bare face, escorted by a sharp scream & dead silence. He turned & left for his bedroom, slamming the door hard & collapsing on the chair by his reading table, this situation ushered in inspiration therefore pen was put to paper. He listened attentively, heard her footsteps pacing about the house 'pretty sure she's packing her bags again' he thought, like always, he had no intentions of stopping her, she goes & always returns, a break of a week, 10 days at most. He needed that break badly & he was sure & glad he's getting it, after all she wasn't his wife yet. He hit a key on the keyboard of his PC & the VDU came alive, typing commenced, "best recovery ever, God Bless you Chioma" he whispered & blew a kiss towards the door.

Approximately 15 minutes later, Edet proof read the post for the last time & was about clicking on the 'publish' button when he saw the handle of his door bend, Chioma tried to open the door to no avail so she knocked. Edet assumed she had packed her bags & wanted leaving but needed transport fare, so he proceeded to his bedside drawer to collect his wallet. Chioma knocked again & kicked the door this time around, "you this barbarian, if you like don't open this door, your mates are fighting financial wars & slapping bank Managers, you're here slapping me abi? Shameless idiot! Open this door and see if I don't ruin your future this evening" 'bang... Bang... Bang...' She continued on the door. Edet thought against the idea of giving her transport fare to leave 'I got my mojo back, why not just go out, calm her down, take her bags & return them to the guest room she occupied each time she visited, make it up with her, prepare dinner together & have the best of evenings.' He chuckled, the insults she rained at him by the door was rather amusing. He made up his mind, braced up, walked to the door and paused as her voice became louder "my friend shut up there & get me my lunch" he barked and stifled a laugh, he paused to hear her react as expected. "Okay, your lunch abi? Don't worry". He heard her footstep fade away & chuckled till he felt she had returned. He wore a mask of hard face as the first step to apologising, turned the key on the lock and heard her mute at the sound, then opened the door to be greeted with the shock of his life. The red-faced-sully-eyes Chioma was standing facing Edet. Between the two of them was her stretched out hands holding a pot of which the contents had already developed wings & put it to use. The hot undone beans splattered on Edet's face & the horror that followed wasn't bargained for at all.

Mikahludba

"Are you sleeping? ... Faruk! ..." "Sh ... I'm in the spirit" "what’s that, you've started again right?" "Thank you Father, I’ll do just that" "are you okay?" "Yap, I am. I’ve got a divine message for you" "you must be high" "that’s where the message came from, up high" giggling, Onyinye demanded for the message "ɪ believe you, oya put a smile on my face" "directly from God, He says & ɪ quote. Surely love & care shall follow onyinye, all the rest of her days with Far..." "Ehn, ehn, that’s enough, you shouldn't play with our prayers" "sorry but..." "Save it, the joke is expensive, you wouldn't take it if ɪ should play with your own prayers, would you?" "That one de sha, I'm sorry please" "so you've learnt how to apologize? Ha ha ha" "another reason why it could only be you, quick to forgive & forget ɪ love you darling" "I'm blushing... As if you don't tell every girl you meet the same thing" "God Forbid, why can’t you just beli..." Just then the Nokia phone that had traced its way through the rumpled love nest under one of the love birds sent its faint ringtone forcing its way out of its hiding. For a moment, the room turned grave yard silence while Onyinye strived to retrieve the handset which was lying beneath her thigh. "hm... It’s this same Hauwa, please receive your call" "Hauwa? Please ignore the ..." "you must receive this call o, right now & here" "baby please, she has got nothing reasonable to say to me now, ɪ told you, it’s all over between us" "it’s still ringing & the moment it stops, I'm living here for good, that ɪ promise you" subconsciously, Faruk sprang up on the bed & sat. The remaining trace of the sun was just being enveloped by the sky but at this juncture, wit this situation, it was mid night for Faruk. He collected the handset from Onyinye with such shaky hands as one would collect a live snake from a magician, wondering why his cyber had refused to provide ideas as to what to do next. He stared at the features of this machine's LCD: -Hauwa calling- -silence- -option- -6:47pm-. Any second from now, the handset was sure to seize ringing & Onyinye's threats where never empty ones, moreover she had already picked up her bangles from the bed side drawer. Summoning courage, Faruk pressed the right soft key & lifted the phone to his ear "what is it... Joseph’snumber? Is that why you are calling me? ... Ask someone else & don't dial my number again... Fuck you too... It’s your own mother you abused, not mine". He pressed the right soft key again with a little temper & dropped the phone on his reading table, very much out of her reach. "Baby please calm down, what was that all about?" "ɪ keep asking myself how ɪ ever came to date such a useless lady in the first..." the nokia tone came alive again. Before Faruk could make for the phone, Onyinye had jumped out of bed, headed towards the reading table. "It’s her again" "let me have it please" "no no, ɪ wouldn't want that brat to spoil your mood furthermore, just let it ring baby, she will soon give it up" "thanks sweety, but let me have the phone, I'm not receiving the call" she gave Him the phone & came back to bed as he silently slid the phone in the bed side drawer, patiently waiting for the right time to switch it off & hoping it doesn’t announce its presence any longer. On every other day with exception of Sundays, where Onyinye doesn’t come to open her Mother's shop, she usually left Faruk's flat by 7:30pm at most but after this little incidence that had proven her victorious over Hauwa, the only meaning that could be attached to 7:30pm was: -mummy am sorry, but at age 20, ɪ should be able to come home any time ɪ like -. Usually, the NYSC coppers lodge faruk lived is very noisy as virtually every of his neighbors were full families, but by 6:30pm, the noise gradually fades out as the kids retire to their various apartments. Other than the voom voom from the countable cars that use Nise Street, the neighborhood use to be very calm by 7pm. So by 7:30pm, onyinye didn't need to be audible to pass any message to Faruk who wasn’t even an inch away from her, a romantic whisper would help. "Baby you know what?" "Till you say" "she slowly pulled the sitting faruk back to his previous position & gently slid a palm into his boxer short while her manicured finger hunted a prey in his private forest. This was the moment faruk had been waiting for since he was posted to Ebonyi State 2 months ago for his NYSC program, so he graced the occasion by reciprocating, though with a troubled mind. "I’ve never believed for once that it was over between you & Hauuu...wa" "hum" "ɪ was thinkiiiii... waaaaaah" without taking any chances, Faruk undressed her half way, to hell with the World He thought. "Yeeeeeeeh, me 2" "baby please" "what?" "Condom". The word hit him hard & for a moment, all hope was lost not until he remembered Paul, his next door neighbor hardly lacks condoms. Triumphantly, he gave her a long kiss, cupping her firm breast in his big palm & threw the cover cloth over her half naked body. Leaving the light switched off, he groped for the door handle & scrambled out of the room. There was no need knocking on Paul’s door since it was opened as Paul was busy in the kitchen. In a whisper, he said "guy! CD abeg" "under my bed" "thanks man" "you go soon die ɪ tell you, see your rod wan tear boxer" "ɪ know". He raised Paul's mattress & found what he was looking for, as he tore two packs of condom out of the role, he heard a very familiar sound from a distance. He pricked his ear for clarification before he felt his heart skip a beat "my message tone!" 'the devil is a liar, after my months of investment?' He thought as he ran back to his room just in time to catch Onyinye collecting the phone from the drawer. The way he barged into his room throwing the door ajar startled Onyinye "what is it?" Without replying or moving from the door, he mentally examined this scene. Three arms length from his supposed dividends of his two months of investment, a phone with the ability to wrong every right & the future’s plenty explanations for his loss. His silence made her follow his gaze & she continued "oh! It is the phone that brought you back abi?" "No, ɪ got condoms. Do ɪ have a call?" He made for the phone but she dodged his encroaching hands "how come ɪ didn't ... No, we didn't hear Hauwa's call for the third time?" Maybe it was a sharp flash, baby please put away the phone, it doesn’t matter" "it matters o, because your last received call was from me" she said while pressing the buttons of the mobile phone rapidly. "All these Nokia phones self..." "Don't you dare nokia phone me, you never received her call & this message is from her, can you imagine?" that was it, your plans have failed he thought. Throwing all caution to the wind, he snatched the phone from her & his instinct immediately told him 'if you like dull yourself'. "Don't touch me" she ordered alarmingly but Faruk was far gone from the sanity world. The phone's back light faded out & left the room in darkness again. In no time, her both arms were handcuffed in Faruk's while he shoved her roughly to the bed. If 'the unlawful compelling of a woman through physical force or duress to have sexual intercourse' remains one of the definition of rape, then this definitely should be called 'rape', but what should it be called when Onyinye ended her struggle three minutes later & had her hands free while bumping on top of Faruk in a continuous moan, kissing every part of his upper bare body?

“Allahuakbar!Allahuakbar!...” (The call for Prayer). For the first time in weeks, Faruk opened his eyes by this time of the day without shutting them back to proceed with his sleep. He groped for his phone in the darkness & pressed a button so as to light up the screen. From the calmness of the dawn, it was an indication that PHCN hadn't restored power, so he didn't bother tracing the light switch. A faint fragrance swiped his nose, memories came alive so he grinned sheepishly, what a night he thought, "this girl is the best ɪ ever had" he said to himself in a whisper. He checked the time & discovered 10 minutes had gone past 5am. ɪ better go & fetch water & bath sharply before time for prayers he thought. He picked his kettle & a towel, opened his door silently so as not to disturb his neighbors & headed for the tap in the compound. 4 Minutes later, while he was just rounding up his bath, the light was restored, brightening the compound. Like it was also controlled by PHCN, his mind flashed back to last night’s experience & he wore that grin again. How he sent Onyinye to the 15th heaven... How he got her begging for more... When she insisted reading the SMS Hauwa sent... His ɪ-don't-care attitude towards everything... Her reactions… & finally the good riddance having waited patiently for over a month. Upon recalling these events, his mind music player sprang up with the most soothing track to match his current mood & so he hummed the song by Naeto c, 'ako miti poju' while he felt so on top of the World. As he rinsed his feet with the rest of the water in the bucket before ascending his corridor, he pictured Paul & Joe hailing Him later in the day, when he would have shared this experience with them, he also imagined Joe asking him for the umpteenth time "na how you take de pull these girls so easily self?" He paused at the front of his door & mimicked Neal Bannen (Mark Gantt) holding his head high while Zeke's friend christened him 'the biggest pimp ever'. Darkness greeted him as he opened his door & his hands were still wet as well as his towel, so he couldn't switch on the light. Entering the room, he traced his way to the wardrobe & dabbed his palms with the available cloth then using the wall as support & for directions, he found his way back to the light switch & switched it on. The blue light came up first while the energy bulb charged so he stood there waiting for it to come up while his eyes tried to get accustomed to the room. Alive came the light flooding the room with its brightness. On a very good day, Faruk would smile to this development but today was different. Instead of this light brightening the room as usual thereby revealing the sky blue & white carpet in the room & the Chelsea Football Club designers rug at the middle of the room which matches his bed spread as well as the numerous wall papers of Chelsea FC players, this light included something else which was very unusual. Small wrappers lay helpless beside his bed. Whatever it was, empty or not, Faruk didn't want to believe that this was the same sachet of condoms he collected from paul the previous evening. He just stood there feeling a very big lump form in his throat. With a sick feeling of despair, he dragged his feet which suddenly added lots of weight towards the newly discovered object, bent down by it, closed his eyes & hoped when he picked them up, they would be so empty because they were used. He stretched forth his fingers & picked up one. He pressed it & felt the contents seeking hide out from their compressing environment. The sudden realization that he never used these condoms sent a chill up his spine, his previous heavy feet became weightless so he dropped to the floor in a sitting position holding his head as if seeking answers as regards the next action to take. Fortunately or unfortunately, the only result the brain could produce was sending a signal to Faruk’s lips which opened a bit & the only sound that could be heard was "God". His phone was nearby, he collected it, clicked on the left soft key that indicated menu, scrolled to messages, clicked twice & the inbox was opened, his most recent massage was from Hauwa. He clicked on the message which read as thus: 'Honey I’ve been tryna reach u but to no avail. D Dr said I'm pregnant & ɪ don't knw wat to do nw. Plz call me bak as soon as u get dis, I'm so much confused ryt now'

wtf!

"Long live NYSC, long live Ebonyi State, & long live Nigeria, thank you." The hall plunged into an uproar of applaud as the first lecturer left d podium for his sit on d high table having delivered a 45 minits lectures on d roles corp members shld play in d implementation of Govt policies. Homom lookd @ his wrist watch which displayed 9:40am, d hall wuz still in applaud so he jst sat dia reminiscing his morning earlier on. He had accomplishd evry task he lined up for accomplishing in a short period of his morning & still made it early to his lectures, wit exception to breakfast though. He wuz lookn good 2day, dat he knew & intended gettn attention. Upon arrival @ d venue, his fellow corp members further confirmed his dressing wit d compliments de rained on him. Dia wuz anoda grumble in his stomach, & d bitter fact of his tommy state ruined d sweetness of his current thoughts. He turnd 2 d left in search 4 solution no mata hw little & further 2 d rite. "Ehen Tope! Lemi get dat Kola abeg" "tot u said u've neva eatn it?" "Wuz only kiddn abeg, gimi sumfin joor" she searched her hand bag & retrieved d kola dat wuz servd to begin d lectures accordn to d Ibo tradition, & gave it to him. Wit a hungry eye, he excavated d kola too big for a 1st timer & 2 hide d reaction of his face to d ugly bitterness. He chewed & chewed wit d hope dat dis bitterness wld usher in sweetness soon. Dis wuz much for him so he returnd d rest of d kola to Tope who was concentrating on d emcee as such didn't observe Homom's predicament & d hangn hand of half Kola.

wat happened in d next 3 minits wuznt in Homom's to do list, d ground refused to open & swallow him @ dat very instant & d real attention he craved strolled in. D lecture wuz immediately paused as its audience in amazement, shifted virtually allaf her gaze to Homom who jst puked a greenish, liquid & sticky substance wit particles of chewed Kolanut.