Guilt

YEAR: 2016

I looked from mine to his and felt bad, this was pure injustice yet no one seemed to care. I looked him in the face and felt even worse, he was Shedrach Kuru, brother to Josiah Kuru the then Labour prefect. I was a Senior to Shedrach and the Dinning hall prefect was my mate, how dare he wound me? I scowled at him while he made a face "will you pass that plate" I said a little louder. His brother suddenly appeared from God knows where, giving me that usual sardonic smile of his, that evil smile that haven't seized haunting me since the first day I was confronted with it. He said it again "no rigimality is banzality!", I woke abruptly at the sound of those words, words that had no meaning as far as English language was concerned, words I could only associate with the punishment I received in my third term in JSS 2, when we were caught dodging MSS at homesick lab.

Josiah Kuru had graduated 4 years back and yet I still dreaded those words, they haunted my imaginations for a while till they found their way to my thoughts, now they occasionally resound in my dreams, making a nightmare of it. "May God punish the Kuru's" I muttered and groped for my sport wristwatch on the window frame in the dusk of the night, '4:34 am', I then frowned, my SSCE was fast approaching and i wasn't taking my studies seriously. I had planned to have a nap till 1 or 2 am then wake to read my books till probably 5 am. My mock result which was released a day before hadn't been an impressive one and had most definitely contributed to my nightmares. 'Another wasted night' i concluded and laid down again, trying to take my mind off my result and doze off. 'No rigimality is banzality!' resounded in my head again, making me shiver a bit and i frowned. I wondered how an SS 3 boy like me will still be haunted by such memories, I suddenly wanted to go fetch Shedrach from wherever he was and punish him, flogged hell out of him, make him suffer what I suffered and still suffering in the hands of his Elder brother, revenge suddenly clouded my thoughts, I was an SS3 student, any reason would sell anywhere for punishing any junior student. I got up in annoyance and jumped down from my bunk, fetched my flashlight from beneath my pillow and pushed the knob to 'on', nothing happened, just then I realized with a sick feeling of despair that there wasn't any battery in the flashlight.

My mouth turned dry and i suddenly felt too old for my age, the realization that I had called 'one boy!' after evening prep the previous day and asked for battery from all the junior students made me shiver again. I had asked everyone without battery to lie flat faced down on the bare

floor, the fact that my flashlight stayed off meant none of them had battery which automatically translated to all of them still on the bare floor. I left my corner very slowly, tiptoeing towards the light switch of the room, and was stunned when I switched it on. All the junior students in my room still laid there on the bare floor, deep asleep in their innocence, I felt bad.

I located Shedrach Kuru, lifted his smallish frame off the bare floor and laid him on his bed, I went further with the rest small statured students in the room and hated myself for my irrational attitudes.