Gaga

"My name is... Well, I don't even know who I am any longer, I could give an identity and be referred to yet a different ward." The man at the other side of the desk nodded briefly & adjusted his bulk in the white lab coat with an 'MPL' inscribed lapel. Extensive research by virtue of his profession had taught him not to interrupt sessions like this. "Go on" "I've been subjected to defying several natural laws as regards my age, name, parents & even my body.... You don't have to give me that look, I can sense what's behind the mask" the other man remained mute. "Are you listening to me at all?" "Who subjected you to defying several natural laws?" Silence fell in the large beautifully designed windowless room that contained a desk, two chairs & water dispenser only. A door served as entrance & exit of the Air Conditioned tight room while the bright lights were such that you could visualise the pore were the next strand of your arm hair would emanate from. "Of course yes, I forgot, they all listen but never believes, I'm only talking because I want to." Still no reply "My name is Mathew, Mathew Adisa, I was a co owner of Baldisa Pharmaceutical LTD. I'm pretty sure the file before you says something different, that my name is Olukemi Olaolu, I'm 6 years old, blah! Blah!! Blah!!! Well, how can a six year old speak like this? Its none of my business if the Dumb choose to stay dumb though, I've accepted my faith, all I want now is to be done with all you doctors & return to my acclaimed parents. Its best with them than here" he bowed his head, trying to hide the tears that had formed in his eyes but to no avail. He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, more tears rolled out, so he used his shirt & dabbed his eyes while the other man just sat there starring at him, whereas from his breast pocket protrude a handkerchief. "Do you know you're wicked? Of all the Doctors that has had a session with me, you're the meanest. Courtesy demands you at least show some sympathy" "you stopped at BPL, do you wish to continue? Or is that the end? I wouldn't mind taking my leave" "What! Just fuck off! You are a disgrace to the medical profession, what rubbish!" The other man gathered up the file on the table, stood up to take his leave & paused at the door when he heard "wait first! Did you say BPL?" "Yup" "you mean its still in existence?" He asked excitedly in a reassuring mood "are you now ready to help me help you?" He frowned again "in as much as I hate your attitude, I'm nevertheless ready" the other man shook his head in pity "for the record, I'm not a Doctor" thought for a while and returned to his seat, placing the folder on the table, he didn't unstrap it this time around. "Bala was a friend I met during my service year in Niger state. He's the son of Alhaji Sidi Ndayakwo & was stinking wealthy. I had my plans of running a standard pharmaceutical company with state of the art equipment someday, the only thing missing in the plan was funds. Bala on the other hand was an entrepreneur in the making. I succeeded in bringing him in on my plans & we bonded like pinky and the brain. Bala is a Nupe guy from Niger state & I was forewarned of the Nupe peoples' fetish life style, but I never listened. My Mum once told me that they did Juju a lot & that the only thing she liked about them was that, if they have loved you, its forever, they would always be there for you." He stood up, went to the water dispenser & helped himself with a cup of cold water. He stood there staring at the empty cup after drinking the water. "You asked them not to tie me up because you think in my tiny structure, I can't be of any harm to you right? ... I succeeded in stealing your pen, what if I now stab you with it?" "Can you skip the intro part that consists of fetish people & fill me in on what really happened to you?" The other man said without even turning his face to look at who just threatened him. "Hehehe! Doc! I'm beginning to fall in love with your guts... Well... I'm glad that you aren't treating me with the insane gloves, at least for once I could use some human rights... Here you go" he handed the pen back & returned to his seat. "Against all odds we started BPL, as expected, I ran the company while Bala funded it, business was booming and we resorted to expand through West to East Africa and further North, South would be our last stop in Africa before we proceeded to other continents. We were moving faster than our projection, as rich as Bala was, he was never spoilt. He neither drank nor smoked, he loved the expensive life though but still was a hard worker. If there was something you wouldn't like about him, it was his attitude. He got bored easily & wasn't the type that would live his life to impress anyone. I got married few years later to Hannah against the wishes of Bala & like every other person, my wife detested Bala. I made her see reasons to why I'm just managing to cope with him all to no avail. Now I want you to get this straight, Hannah my wife is a very pretty lady who attended the same school with Bala in the UK. Bala would say 'she's a gold digger who only paraded her self as a student of my school so as to achieve her selfish aim of commercial sex, she eventually got caught & was deported back to Nigeria.' Hannah on the other hand told me that she lost her parents in her second year and couldn't afford the expenses of her education. This resulted to her relocation back to Nigeria. As for Bala's accusations, she told me that Bala had once asked her out, but despite his money and social status, she declined because she was a good Christian and would only settle for the likes, I'm pretty sure you would understand why Bala suddenly hated me and wanted to be rid of me. Hannah is from Kogi State & they have lots of Mallams in her village that could check one's destiny & pray for one's protection using religious sacrifices. We visited one who checked & it was discovered that Bala wanted to cut me off the company. After much incantations he confirmed that Bala had got my replacement. I plunged into inquiries, lo & behold the answer surfaced. His half brother was studying pharmacy abroad and Bala intended making me run mad, which would result to my death. He gave me some charms & asked me to bring 10 million Naira to complete the job for protection and to ricochet Bala's plans. I didn't intend paying up because despite Bala's supposed plans, I felt he had been a blessing to me, he had delivered and sacrificed a lot for me without even having full details about me. If he was done with me, I didn't really have much problem with that. I had the brain & capital would no longer be a problem. Little did I know I was digging my own grave by not listening to my wife." He paused and examined the room, looked at the clean shaved man wearing a disinterested look on his face, grunted and looked up to the fine designed ceiling "This is the part were everybody thinks I'm crazy, I won't blame you if you do too. Some six to seven years back, I returned home from a hectic day at work, it was the period I was preparing for my sack as such I was trying to clear up my desk, leaving behind the unimportant things and hoping to confront Bala the next day. I never payed up for retaliation to Bala, I only came home with a million Naira in cash that I hoped to pay for my protection. Meanwhile, I had already contacted my Pastor who was away on a missionary trip and he promised to pray for me and see me the moment he arrived the country. My lovely wife pampered me with a massage that night and we had a once in a life time Dinner together." He smiled & shook his head. Two disinterested eyes stayed fixed on him waiting for him to be done with his hallucinations. "We slept together that night & I woke up alone in this Baby body & cot, in a different family. I couldn't speak but babble, I couldn't move my limbs, I was stripped off virtually every connections with myself, the only thing I had left was my mind and memory, Bala had succeeded." He looked sharply to catch an amused Doctor at his latest statements but was disappointed when unlike the other Doctors, the other man remained inpatient-like with his looks fixed. "I went through sucking of breasts, being carried about, waited for my time to talk & walk, witnessed & heard a whole lot of evil plans and revelations because every one thought I was just a baby. I waited patiently to grow up again so as to seek for answers to a whole lot of questions. When I was six and was able to move freely, I interacted a lot & got to meet someone who told me that it was possible to assume someone else's body through voodoo activities. He made references to witch craft activities in Benin City and gave me a story book, 'the Bottled Leopard' by Chukwuemeka Ike which explained a whole lot as regards my condition, though with Animals, Bala is really a wicked person. I ran away from my new family, trying to locate my wife & help her understand what had happened and probably source for a solution & get back at Bala. I found Hannah in her new place of work, a boutique to be precise. I confronted her & of cause every person in his or her right senses would scream at this, she wasn't left out. When she got hold of her self, she sent her sales girls away to be left alone with me, I would have succeeded in my quest if not for one of the sales girls, the very foolish one who called the police." I went through series of questioning & series of Child Right Protection agencies, but unfortunately for me I had forgotten a lot of details of my previous life & no one seemed to believe anything I said, I eventually turned into a laughing stock. It was concluded that I was mentally deranged and ever since, I've been through wards to wards, doctors to doctors, injections, pills & multiple sedatives. Right now, I don't even know where I am, who I am or what I've got to do with the rest of my life. I don't even care any longer, if there's one thing I yearn for right now, is going back to the bunch of scum bags that call them selves my parents. The last Doctor before you told me that you said you were going to help me, I've told you my story Doc, what's the plan now?" The other man suddenly got up in annoyance, throwing his chair back. "You disgust me, you brought your own destruction upon yourself, I'm not a Doctor, better stop addressing me as Doc" he hissed and made for the door in quick pace muttering in anger. "So you're not even a Doctor? You fool without manners, you disgust me too" he retaliated with a little temper, raising his voice just as the door slammed on its lock. In anger, he kicked the desk to an upside down position while the folder that was on it shattered its files to pieces on the floor. He proceeded to the water dispenser, ripped its wire of the wall and flung the machine to a far end of the room, wrecking it while its contents splattered on the wall. He looked for something else to destroy but found none, he held his head in frustration and collapsed on the floor in a sitting position, resting his back on the wall. From a distant, he heard hailing followed by claps, he hissed and look to the ground 'let me even see what's in this folder about me' he gathered up the spilled files, excerpts from tabloids, magazines & other documents from the folder & dropped them down before him for perusal. The headlines that had been highlighted from the lot of the tabloids included 'reputable pharmacists go gaga' with a rider 'babbles like a baby', 'big blow struck on BPL', 'Bala Ndayakwo breaks down at his business partner's hospital bed', 'BPL Pinky vows to get to the root of Brain's predicament', 'UK deportee, Hannah Adisa denies ever attending any school in the UK' with a rider 'I only had friends whom I always visited in the University', 'Mathew Adisa dies at 41, four days after he was admitted in a psychiatric hospital' 'Bala pays huge sums of money to retrieve Late Adisa's body from the morgue for proper autopsy', 'BPL boss drags wife of late partner to court for heavy dosage of morphine discovered in partner's body system', 'Hannah pleads not guilty to charges levied against her by Bala Ndayakwo', 'Bala looses case to Hannah, pays 20 million Naira for damages', 'widowed Hannah re marries first love, a year after husband's death', the 6 year old boy in awe picked interest in the photo below the headline. "So, she re married that so called Mallam? Old time boy friend for that matter?" He laughed and proceeded to the next tabloid 'Ndayakwo renames company: MPL (Mathisa Pharmaceutical LTD)' 'Mother of Late Mathew Adisa & Sister receives 100 Million Naira from MPL', 'Mrs. Mary P. Adisa dies at age 73'. The next documents contained an appointment letter and documentation papers. Tears of sorrow and joy rolled down his cheeks, he stood up and proceeded to the unlocked door. Opened it and found himself in a neat passage with different people on lab coats. A lady in a lab coat that carried the 'MPL' logo which he recognised as Sandra walked up to him, bent down a little and greeted "welcome back Sir, finally we found you". Another cute lady rushed towards them and greeted like the first lady, wearing the same white lab coat "oyoyo! Oyoyo!! Sir! Am i dreaming?" Without bothering to wipe the tears off his eyes, he said "Sandra & Funmi, best twins ever, you're all grown up now" and they laughed in joy. More people on MPL lab coat approached this 6 years old little man who was once their boss & is hoped to resume his previous position with MPL. All of these workers approached with joy & happiness, some in tears while others just wore bubbly faces. He held Sandra's arm and she bent down to hear what he got to say "Sandra! Please where can I find Bala?" "Ah! The moment Mr. Bala left you in your office, he broke the news to us and left the building in anger, I think he finally has a way to even the score with your ex wife..." She further bent so as to whisper in His ear "... You can see he now keeps a clean face right? He said you once told him to do that, since you left, he has never been himself".

Fine boy

"Writing is every writer's passion, he must not be really good at it. When a writer lost a dear one, he creates a related fiction in his mind as events unfold, the writer does the same with the sweetest of experiences. But when 'writers block' sets in, the writer is more of devastated, it tends to be the worse thing that could ever happen. All efforts made to avert the situation would definitely prove abortive since it knocks at the writers' door & exits unannounced. At this, the writer goes paranoid, it takes a strong willed writer to shake off the shackle & cope. If you happen to be a casual friend to the writer experiencing 'writers block', your friendship is highly appreciated at this time for you come in handy in so many ways you or even the writer might not be aware of. The reverse turns out to be the case for a wife or any intimate partner who has little or no knowledge of the situation. The sudden realisation of being less important to your partner compared to writing, irrespective of the tangible & intangible favours, the time & the commitment, drives anyone crazy & everyone reserves the right to go crazy at this. Its okay to react in whatever way but never let your reactions be a custodian to actions that results to break up. How you react, helps the writer in the long run for it becomes a basis, an idea or a reference point for yet another story, the writer is never in a hurry to get your replacement, so why subject self to the loosing end? Please & please do not get it twisted for I'm not invariably insinuating that spouses & partners of writers are practically lucky to be with writers, my intentions here is to authoritatively paint you a very fine picture of reality using Chioma's just concluded drama for a base, publish it in my blog, share it on Facebook & twitter, sit back, relax & wait for her return in roughly 2 weeks time." He dropped his pen & grinned, 'I would take out that last point sha' he thought. Edet had just recovered from a writers block, all thanks to Chioma who had flipped her lid at his lackadaisical attitude to issues surrounding her boutique business which she tried to share with him 20 minutes back. They were both in the living room on this faithful sunday evening, watching a Nollywood movie with absent minds when she brought it up. He had reacted carelessly & therefore triggered an anger she had been nursing for a while, bringing up old issues & making references to times & events unexpectedly. His mood was further soured, making him loose grip on himself & jammed a flat palm on her bare face, escorted by a sharp scream & dead silence. He turned & left for his bedroom, slamming the door hard & collapsing on the chair by his reading table, this situation ushered in inspiration therefore pen was put to paper. He listened attentively, heard her footsteps pacing about the house 'pretty sure she's packing her bags again' he thought, like always, he had no intentions of stopping her, she goes & always returns, a break of a week, 10 days at most. He needed that break badly & he was sure & glad he's getting it, after all she wasn't his wife yet. He hit a key on the keyboard of his PC & the VDU came alive, typing commenced, "best recovery ever, God Bless you Chioma" he whispered & blew a kiss towards the door.

Approximately 15 minutes later, Edet proof read the post for the last time & was about clicking on the 'publish' button when he saw the handle of his door bend, Chioma tried to open the door to no avail so she knocked. Edet assumed she had packed her bags & wanted leaving but needed transport fare, so he proceeded to his bedside drawer to collect his wallet. Chioma knocked again & kicked the door this time around, "you this barbarian, if you like don't open this door, your mates are fighting financial wars & slapping bank Managers, you're here slapping me abi? Shameless idiot! Open this door and see if I don't ruin your future this evening" 'bang... Bang... Bang...' She continued on the door. Edet thought against the idea of giving her transport fare to leave 'I got my mojo back, why not just go out, calm her down, take her bags & return them to the guest room she occupied each time she visited, make it up with her, prepare dinner together & have the best of evenings.' He chuckled, the insults she rained at him by the door was rather amusing. He made up his mind, braced up, walked to the door and paused as her voice became louder "my friend shut up there & get me my lunch" he barked and stifled a laugh, he paused to hear her react as expected. "Okay, your lunch abi? Don't worry". He heard her footstep fade away & chuckled till he felt she had returned. He wore a mask of hard face as the first step to apologising, turned the key on the lock and heard her mute at the sound, then opened the door to be greeted with the shock of his life. The red-faced-sully-eyes Chioma was standing facing Edet. Between the two of them was her stretched out hands holding a pot of which the contents had already developed wings & put it to use. The hot undone beans splattered on Edet's face & the horror that followed wasn't bargained for at all.

Mikahludba

"Are you sleeping? ... Faruk! ..." "Sh ... I'm in the spirit" "what’s that, you've started again right?" "Thank you Father, I’ll do just that" "are you okay?" "Yap, I am. I’ve got a divine message for you" "you must be high" "that’s where the message came from, up high" giggling, Onyinye demanded for the message "ɪ believe you, oya put a smile on my face" "directly from God, He says & ɪ quote. Surely love & care shall follow onyinye, all the rest of her days with Far..." "Ehn, ehn, that’s enough, you shouldn't play with our prayers" "sorry but..." "Save it, the joke is expensive, you wouldn't take it if ɪ should play with your own prayers, would you?" "That one de sha, I'm sorry please" "so you've learnt how to apologize? Ha ha ha" "another reason why it could only be you, quick to forgive & forget ɪ love you darling" "I'm blushing... As if you don't tell every girl you meet the same thing" "God Forbid, why can’t you just beli..." Just then the Nokia phone that had traced its way through the rumpled love nest under one of the love birds sent its faint ringtone forcing its way out of its hiding. For a moment, the room turned grave yard silence while Onyinye strived to retrieve the handset which was lying beneath her thigh. "hm... It’s this same Hauwa, please receive your call" "Hauwa? Please ignore the ..." "you must receive this call o, right now & here" "baby please, she has got nothing reasonable to say to me now, ɪ told you, it’s all over between us" "it’s still ringing & the moment it stops, I'm living here for good, that ɪ promise you" subconsciously, Faruk sprang up on the bed & sat. The remaining trace of the sun was just being enveloped by the sky but at this juncture, wit this situation, it was mid night for Faruk. He collected the handset from Onyinye with such shaky hands as one would collect a live snake from a magician, wondering why his cyber had refused to provide ideas as to what to do next. He stared at the features of this machine's LCD: -Hauwa calling- -silence- -option- -6:47pm-. Any second from now, the handset was sure to seize ringing & Onyinye's threats where never empty ones, moreover she had already picked up her bangles from the bed side drawer. Summoning courage, Faruk pressed the right soft key & lifted the phone to his ear "what is it... Joseph’snumber? Is that why you are calling me? ... Ask someone else & don't dial my number again... Fuck you too... It’s your own mother you abused, not mine". He pressed the right soft key again with a little temper & dropped the phone on his reading table, very much out of her reach. "Baby please calm down, what was that all about?" "ɪ keep asking myself how ɪ ever came to date such a useless lady in the first..." the nokia tone came alive again. Before Faruk could make for the phone, Onyinye had jumped out of bed, headed towards the reading table. "It’s her again" "let me have it please" "no no, ɪ wouldn't want that brat to spoil your mood furthermore, just let it ring baby, she will soon give it up" "thanks sweety, but let me have the phone, I'm not receiving the call" she gave Him the phone & came back to bed as he silently slid the phone in the bed side drawer, patiently waiting for the right time to switch it off & hoping it doesn’t announce its presence any longer. On every other day with exception of Sundays, where Onyinye doesn’t come to open her Mother's shop, she usually left Faruk's flat by 7:30pm at most but after this little incidence that had proven her victorious over Hauwa, the only meaning that could be attached to 7:30pm was: -mummy am sorry, but at age 20, ɪ should be able to come home any time ɪ like -. Usually, the NYSC coppers lodge faruk lived is very noisy as virtually every of his neighbors were full families, but by 6:30pm, the noise gradually fades out as the kids retire to their various apartments. Other than the voom voom from the countable cars that use Nise Street, the neighborhood use to be very calm by 7pm. So by 7:30pm, onyinye didn't need to be audible to pass any message to Faruk who wasn’t even an inch away from her, a romantic whisper would help. "Baby you know what?" "Till you say" "she slowly pulled the sitting faruk back to his previous position & gently slid a palm into his boxer short while her manicured finger hunted a prey in his private forest. This was the moment faruk had been waiting for since he was posted to Ebonyi State 2 months ago for his NYSC program, so he graced the occasion by reciprocating, though with a troubled mind. "I’ve never believed for once that it was over between you & Hauuu...wa" "hum" "ɪ was thinkiiiii... waaaaaah" without taking any chances, Faruk undressed her half way, to hell with the World He thought. "Yeeeeeeeh, me 2" "baby please" "what?" "Condom". The word hit him hard & for a moment, all hope was lost not until he remembered Paul, his next door neighbor hardly lacks condoms. Triumphantly, he gave her a long kiss, cupping her firm breast in his big palm & threw the cover cloth over her half naked body. Leaving the light switched off, he groped for the door handle & scrambled out of the room. There was no need knocking on Paul’s door since it was opened as Paul was busy in the kitchen. In a whisper, he said "guy! CD abeg" "under my bed" "thanks man" "you go soon die ɪ tell you, see your rod wan tear boxer" "ɪ know". He raised Paul's mattress & found what he was looking for, as he tore two packs of condom out of the role, he heard a very familiar sound from a distance. He pricked his ear for clarification before he felt his heart skip a beat "my message tone!" 'the devil is a liar, after my months of investment?' He thought as he ran back to his room just in time to catch Onyinye collecting the phone from the drawer. The way he barged into his room throwing the door ajar startled Onyinye "what is it?" Without replying or moving from the door, he mentally examined this scene. Three arms length from his supposed dividends of his two months of investment, a phone with the ability to wrong every right & the future’s plenty explanations for his loss. His silence made her follow his gaze & she continued "oh! It is the phone that brought you back abi?" "No, ɪ got condoms. Do ɪ have a call?" He made for the phone but she dodged his encroaching hands "how come ɪ didn't ... No, we didn't hear Hauwa's call for the third time?" Maybe it was a sharp flash, baby please put away the phone, it doesn’t matter" "it matters o, because your last received call was from me" she said while pressing the buttons of the mobile phone rapidly. "All these Nokia phones self..." "Don't you dare nokia phone me, you never received her call & this message is from her, can you imagine?" that was it, your plans have failed he thought. Throwing all caution to the wind, he snatched the phone from her & his instinct immediately told him 'if you like dull yourself'. "Don't touch me" she ordered alarmingly but Faruk was far gone from the sanity world. The phone's back light faded out & left the room in darkness again. In no time, her both arms were handcuffed in Faruk's while he shoved her roughly to the bed. If 'the unlawful compelling of a woman through physical force or duress to have sexual intercourse' remains one of the definition of rape, then this definitely should be called 'rape', but what should it be called when Onyinye ended her struggle three minutes later & had her hands free while bumping on top of Faruk in a continuous moan, kissing every part of his upper bare body?

“Allahuakbar!Allahuakbar!...” (The call for Prayer). For the first time in weeks, Faruk opened his eyes by this time of the day without shutting them back to proceed with his sleep. He groped for his phone in the darkness & pressed a button so as to light up the screen. From the calmness of the dawn, it was an indication that PHCN hadn't restored power, so he didn't bother tracing the light switch. A faint fragrance swiped his nose, memories came alive so he grinned sheepishly, what a night he thought, "this girl is the best ɪ ever had" he said to himself in a whisper. He checked the time & discovered 10 minutes had gone past 5am. ɪ better go & fetch water & bath sharply before time for prayers he thought. He picked his kettle & a towel, opened his door silently so as not to disturb his neighbors & headed for the tap in the compound. 4 Minutes later, while he was just rounding up his bath, the light was restored, brightening the compound. Like it was also controlled by PHCN, his mind flashed back to last night’s experience & he wore that grin again. How he sent Onyinye to the 15th heaven... How he got her begging for more... When she insisted reading the SMS Hauwa sent... His ɪ-don't-care attitude towards everything... Her reactions… & finally the good riddance having waited patiently for over a month. Upon recalling these events, his mind music player sprang up with the most soothing track to match his current mood & so he hummed the song by Naeto c, 'ako miti poju' while he felt so on top of the World. As he rinsed his feet with the rest of the water in the bucket before ascending his corridor, he pictured Paul & Joe hailing Him later in the day, when he would have shared this experience with them, he also imagined Joe asking him for the umpteenth time "na how you take de pull these girls so easily self?" He paused at the front of his door & mimicked Neal Bannen (Mark Gantt) holding his head high while Zeke's friend christened him 'the biggest pimp ever'. Darkness greeted him as he opened his door & his hands were still wet as well as his towel, so he couldn't switch on the light. Entering the room, he traced his way to the wardrobe & dabbed his palms with the available cloth then using the wall as support & for directions, he found his way back to the light switch & switched it on. The blue light came up first while the energy bulb charged so he stood there waiting for it to come up while his eyes tried to get accustomed to the room. Alive came the light flooding the room with its brightness. On a very good day, Faruk would smile to this development but today was different. Instead of this light brightening the room as usual thereby revealing the sky blue & white carpet in the room & the Chelsea Football Club designers rug at the middle of the room which matches his bed spread as well as the numerous wall papers of Chelsea FC players, this light included something else which was very unusual. Small wrappers lay helpless beside his bed. Whatever it was, empty or not, Faruk didn't want to believe that this was the same sachet of condoms he collected from paul the previous evening. He just stood there feeling a very big lump form in his throat. With a sick feeling of despair, he dragged his feet which suddenly added lots of weight towards the newly discovered object, bent down by it, closed his eyes & hoped when he picked them up, they would be so empty because they were used. He stretched forth his fingers & picked up one. He pressed it & felt the contents seeking hide out from their compressing environment. The sudden realization that he never used these condoms sent a chill up his spine, his previous heavy feet became weightless so he dropped to the floor in a sitting position holding his head as if seeking answers as regards the next action to take. Fortunately or unfortunately, the only result the brain could produce was sending a signal to Faruk’s lips which opened a bit & the only sound that could be heard was "God". His phone was nearby, he collected it, clicked on the left soft key that indicated menu, scrolled to messages, clicked twice & the inbox was opened, his most recent massage was from Hauwa. He clicked on the message which read as thus: 'Honey I’ve been tryna reach u but to no avail. D Dr said I'm pregnant & ɪ don't knw wat to do nw. Plz call me bak as soon as u get dis, I'm so much confused ryt now'

wtf!

"Long live NYSC, long live Ebonyi State, & long live Nigeria, thank you." The hall plunged into an uproar of applaud as the first lecturer left d podium for his sit on d high table having delivered a 45 minits lectures on d roles corp members shld play in d implementation of Govt policies. Homom lookd @ his wrist watch which displayed 9:40am, d hall wuz still in applaud so he jst sat dia reminiscing his morning earlier on. He had accomplishd evry task he lined up for accomplishing in a short period of his morning & still made it early to his lectures, wit exception to breakfast though. He wuz lookn good 2day, dat he knew & intended gettn attention. Upon arrival @ d venue, his fellow corp members further confirmed his dressing wit d compliments de rained on him. Dia wuz anoda grumble in his stomach, & d bitter fact of his tommy state ruined d sweetness of his current thoughts. He turnd 2 d left in search 4 solution no mata hw little & further 2 d rite. "Ehen Tope! Lemi get dat Kola abeg" "tot u said u've neva eatn it?" "Wuz only kiddn abeg, gimi sumfin joor" she searched her hand bag & retrieved d kola dat wuz servd to begin d lectures accordn to d Ibo tradition, & gave it to him. Wit a hungry eye, he excavated d kola too big for a 1st timer & 2 hide d reaction of his face to d ugly bitterness. He chewed & chewed wit d hope dat dis bitterness wld usher in sweetness soon. Dis wuz much for him so he returnd d rest of d kola to Tope who was concentrating on d emcee as such didn't observe Homom's predicament & d hangn hand of half Kola.

wat happened in d next 3 minits wuznt in Homom's to do list, d ground refused to open & swallow him @ dat very instant & d real attention he craved strolled in. D lecture wuz immediately paused as its audience in amazement, shifted virtually allaf her gaze to Homom who jst puked a greenish, liquid & sticky substance wit particles of chewed Kolanut.